June was a rollercoaster

June started out with my second FAO spouse book club meeting. Only three of us (and Emma as my guest) made it to the second meeting, where we discussed Treasure Island. We met for a walking meeting at Point Lobos, the inspiration for Stevenson's book, and spent an hour walking, talking, and taking pictures.

I also started my summer classes. I'm taking an introductory photography class, and a beginner's yoga class. Both online, and I am enjoying myself a good bit going into week four. I've taken photos in some amazing locations, had fun playing with the manual settings on Hannah's camera, and got some great and some not-so-great shots.

Zach took me for a ballroom dancing lesson, and we had a lot of fun. We really enjoyed learning the basics of the hustle, the country two-step, and the foxtrot. (I am absolutely horrible at the foxtrot.)

I went back to North Carolina. One of my good friends from the high school got married, and I wanted to be there, so I flew back out for the wedding. But I also took a couple of extra days to visit the beaches, because the beaches here in California are just not the same. I could step in the water without my bones aching, the surf wasn't so aggressive, and I found shark teeth. I came home with fifty-six new teeth for my collection, although most of those came from a dredge island in the Cape Fear River, Sharktooth Island. I've been to the island twice before, once with Zach and once with Hannah last fall. The trip with her, to the beaches and the island, is a shining memory I have of my firstborn. I wanted to walk with the memory of her, doing something we both loved to do, in places she had been. I wanted to sit on the last beach she and I ever visited together, and I believe that trip was her last beach trip, and just be with my grief for a while. I accomplished all of those things. And then I drove up to Chapel Hill to celebrate a good friend.

Katie's wedding was beautiful, and I am so glad I went. But it was also very hard for me. There were several songs played that Hannah once sang to her baby sister. Songs I once sang to Hannah. Katie is only a few years older than Hannah was, and it was also a reminder of things I will never see my girl experience. So yes, it was incredibly difficult being there. But watching Katie and Blane say their vows, watching them dance together, and watching her do her little food dance during the reception was wonderful, even with the pain.

I had my last grief therapy session. I think I'm doing okay without it. I still write in my grief journal every day, and there may come a point where I decide to turn that journal into a memoir and publish it. I've been considering the idea for a while now. I don't know if it seems arrogant to think that might private thoughts formed in the worst of my grief would be helpful to other mourners out there, but I would like to think there might be some good to come from my agony. So I'm considering publication. We'll see.

Taylor turned five. My girl is growing up, hitting milestones, and is still the sassy creature she always has been. She enjoyed being spoiled on her birthday, and that weekend, she got to spend a few hours with her best friend at a playground.

Ever heard of the Winchester Mystery Mansion? If not, you should look it up. The Mansion has been a top five bucket list item for Emma for years, so I finally got around to taking her. We did a two-hour tour, and it was incredible. The place is an amazing bit of Victorian architecture, designed to be confusing by a woman who was quite possibly insane. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I spoiled her a bit in the gift shop before we headed home, and seeing her face light up over and over again during that tour did my heart so much good.

Zach has a better idea of the universities to which he will be applying following language training. I don't want to say too much about it so soon, but that's one major decision settled. He also found out today that his location for in-region training has changed, so we're hoping that gets changed back in the interim. But the ball is moving on the decisions we will need to make for the next few years.

All of that, and June isn't quite over yet. There are still some more twists left before Sunday, and then we are into July. Connor will be attending a summer camp next week. Taylor has four weeks of swim lessons lined up, and we have plans in August to spend two nights camping amongst the redwoods.