Photography, warm jazz, and work

Fall semester is well underway, and I have become so much more involved with this college than I had intended to be, but that isn't really a bad thing. It's keeping me busy, which helps me find pieces of myself that I've lost, or even some that are new. I spend time doing homework in our home office, listening to Warm Fall Jazz on YouTube. I used to play those for my students during work time in class, so there's some fond memories attached to that. I'm listening to it as I write this post.

For starters, I mentioned in my last post that I'm taking three classes this semester. I've begun to discover how much I genuinely enjoy photography and all of it's processes. I'm having fun editing my digital images. It's so interesting playing with the different editing tools and seeing how I can take what I thought was a decent shot and turning it into something much more interesting to look at. I love this edit of a shot I took in color but edited into being black and white. It is easily one of my favorites so far this semester.

As fun as editing digital images is, though, I'm really having fun developing my film images. It's such a fascinating process, from the development of the film, to making contact sheets, to enlarging prints and getting the contrast and exposure of the photo paper just right. My favorite thing about this class is showing up early on lab days and basically having the darkroom to myself. It's peaceful, and nearly cathartic. I told Zach when we finally settle down somewhere I want a she-shed darkroom. I'm not joking, either. Therapy through the lens of a camera, I suppose. I haven't yet scanned any of my prints, but I'll get to that eventually and share some of them. I did take both cameras to Marina Beach one very foggy morning and took some great pictures. Sadly, I messed up on the roll of negatives so I lost the whole roll, but the digital images came out pretty well.

In addition to the three classes, I'm also the Secretary of the newly resurrected MPC Photo club. I'm apparently really good at keeping the club organized, so I spend some time on that every week. We have a Halloween photo scavenger hunt coming up, so I need to get to work on taking pictures for that soon.

As if all of that wasn't enough, I accepted a job on campus, too. It's currently a temp position, but I'm hoping to make it permanent for the time I have left in the area. I'm working in the Veteran's Resource Center helping our veteran students utilize their education benefits. I just started this week, and I really enjoy it so far. Because of that role, I've also been added as a staff member to the Veteran's Club. All in all, I'm on campus for almost fifty hours a week at this point between class, club, and work.

I miss Emma. It's hard being away from her. She's back in NC, and is working and going to school, too. So we don't have as much time to connect as we did. So I miss her, talk to her when I can, and love her all the time.

The kids are enjoying Scouts and they're also both in swim lessons every Saturday morning. So we're staying busy. Somehow the two of them still find time to drive me crazy almost daily, but at least we aren't usually bored.

The beginning of the fall season was hard. I was sick a couple of weeks ago, and spent a lot of time half asleep and letting my mind torture me with things I can't change. Then fall started, Hannah's favorite season. Halloween is fast approaching, and everything reminds me of her. I feel the lack of her every minute, but some minutes I'm relatively okay, and others I'm on the verge of breaking down and crawling into a hole of misery for days on end. Grief is so weird.

I probably would have never gotten into photography if Hannah hadn't died, if I hadn't inherited the camera we bought her for Christmas in 2022. I wouldn't have signed up for these classes, I wouldn't have joined these clubs, and I likely wouldn't have applied for my job. I'm working hard to find silver linings, but It's almost like this whole pathway was opened as a result of her absence, and I wonder where those paths will lead down the road. In that way, it feels like she's still on this journey with me. I hope she is. There is a whole world I wanted her to see, so I hope she's haunting me from time to time so she can see it with me.

Zach has started his applications for grad school, so hopefully in the next three or four months we will know where we're moving next summer. Wherever it is, we will be there for a year and then we are off to the other side of the planet for at least a year. It still seems so unreal. The entire last year feels like a fever dream. But the next three years at least will be an adventure. I'm excited to see it all through the camera lens.